


the one time we plotted something not so heroic

by CatnipInvader



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: F/F, M/M, almost gender neutral Zim, early stages of a relationship, for unknown reasons, low key gender nonconforming Zim, probably just bitterness, theyre plotting to destroy the earth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21816700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatnipInvader/pseuds/CatnipInvader
Summary: I think this original idea was an angst dream I had? I couldn't ever think of a good reason Dib would be chill with just blowing up the earth so whatever sort of reason you feel like having go ahead and have friend.
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim), Gaz/Tak (Invader Zim)
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

“Would you even care? Really?”

Zim had climbed in through his window countless times before, when he was young and thought his world needed protecting, later when it seemed unnecessary but he kept fighting anyway because that’s what they did and later still when he was told it was a joke that Zim was sent here. It had been less than a year since Zim told dib about his tallests’ cruel joke but Zim had known for years, it was only the first few years on earth he had really thought his mission real. Zim hadn't told Dib because he thought the boy would lose interest in him if he didnt need to keep him from destroying earth and zim had developed a strange rivalry friendship type affection towards Dib, when Zim told Dib about this feeling he had laughed and said yeah frenemies. This night though was the last in a long string of nights the two had spent together just talking about anything Dib asking Zim questions about space and other races and planets, Zim wondering why he was even still here, why Dib was still interested in him. Zim was honestly confused, but he kept talking as long as Dib listened, and then watched as Dib fell asleep.

“I dont think I would really, as long as Gaz was safe…my entire race is an awful stain on the face of the universe.” Dib was lying on his bed in his pajamas with his glasses on the nightstand and his hands on his stomach. He was falling asleep. He should tell zim to leave. He won't though.

“Gaz has Tak, well not the way you have me but anyway thats irrelevant. If I-we blew up this pathetic rock and took you with me to space or whatever you wouldn't care? No more puppies or sun or ice cream… actually we’ll keep ice cream, but all these things here on this planet you’d be okay with them being gone? For good? Never to return? Destroyed by your own hand?” Zim was in Dibs’ computer chair devoid of his disguise, gloves, and boots. Hed stopped wearing the uniform long ago now he wore whatever he liked, normally ‘feminine’ clothing because it came in the colors he liked more often but who cares.

“Yeah I guess I like Gaz shes my sister and shes creepy and scary and I’m pretty sure completely made of black magic but yeah Tak has her…. Eh she has Tak however that mess works… the rest are garbage to me now theres some things I'd like to keep but I think they'd feel silly soon after being in space with you…” Dib’s voice trails off and one of his hands motions toward Zim. Zim gets up and moves to the bed with Dib, this was something new they were trying, sleeping in the same space as each other, it wasn't really sleeping on Zim's part just halfway creepy staring.

“As I said gaz will be fine. What would you want to take?” Zim sits on the bed near Dibs waist, he barely makes an indent in the mattress with how little he weighs, he’s taller now yes but still small by both human and irken standards, his hand goes to Dibs and Dib squeezes Zim's hand. Zim smirks.

“The history, so people could learn from it. Not repeat our mistakes. The stories all of them, myths about religions, fairy tales , ghost stories, urban legends… pictures of what everything looked like… pretty dumb stuff now that I think about it.” Dib rolls onto his side towards the irken and scoots backwards on the bed. Zim watches as Dib makes room for him.

“Its not dumb to miss your home, even if its pathetic like yours.” Zim looks around the room that hasn't changed in almost a decade, he realizes hes actually talking about destroying the earth with the man who was once the boy who had sworn to keep him from doing just that. He looks back at Dib, his Sib, his stinky, precious, pathetic, short lived, he couldn't remember anymore words to describe him. Dib was patting the bed trying to get him to lay down, so he could take comfort in zims presence. “No Dib”

“Not tonight?”

“No just not now its still early, we need to-” Dib surged up from laying down to kiss Zim. Zim pushed him back to the bed. “Excuse me. I was talking. Now as I was saying, we need to talk to the ladies about our scheme.” Zim looked at Dib, more like glared in a semi-playful manner, his hair was messy and his stubble appearing and his clothing wrinkled.

“Fine just if they're not immediately present in the living room I’m not looking for them.” Dib grabbed his glasses and shoved them onto his face. He looked at zim, he looked tired and determined. Dib knew why he just didnt really want to admit it to himself.

Dib and Gaz still lived in the professor's house, Dib having decided to kind of go along with his father's wishes and go to college just not for what he wanted him too, and Gaz was doing some sort of art thingy or maybe psych thing, dib was never sure which one. Tak lived somewhere nearby but spent a lot of time with Gaz. Zim still lived in the strange green house that had seemed to get less strange over time. In all honestly the four of them spent the majority of thier time over here in the past year and so all of them kinda lived in the membrane house, it as mostly peaceful.

“ I see you’re done scheming by yourselves now, care to fill us in?” Taks voiced bounced through the living room from the kitchen. She and Gaz were eating dinner which appeared to be cereal.

“Um yeah, we didnt get much scheming done. Just Zim asking if I was okay with it like 6 times.`` Dib looked between Gaz and Tak, he still had no idea what kind of relationship they had, Zim kept saying it wasn't like theirs but what was theirs even like? He stopped staring and sat down Tak handed him a bowl and a spoon, Gaz handed him the cereal and Zim was getting the milk.

“And?” Gaz asked raising an eyebrow and chewing.

“He said he was.” Zim said kind of flatly as he flopped down next to Dib, he set the milk down as Tak handed him his bowl. He glanced at the clock it blinked 5:58 at him he wondered if that was am or pm.

“Are you Dib? Youre the one who seemed to care the most.” Tak said in a tone that sounded less like a lady about to blow up a planet and more like a lady who was telling her child that the water park as closed because it was december.

“Yeah I am, I just want to make sure it won't be forgotten.” dib poured his cereal into his milk already in the bowl, gaz gave him an exasperated look.

“It won't be big head theres four of us leaving, two of which with near infinite life spans and memories, shit Dib they can remember they day they were bor-hatched… Activated?” Gaz was annoyed at how tired dib was Zim said be ready at 5 in the morning its almost six and it looks like Dib never slept. “Did you even sleep?”

“No? Its still early, I can go to sleep when we’re done.” Tak looks at Dib like hes lost his mind.

“Dib. what day is it?” Tak said quickly setting down her spoon.

“Tuesday?” Dib says sheepishly, Taks anger is not something to invoke, shit what did I do Dib thinks.

“No darling its wednesday morning and you-” she jabs her finger at Dib “- said you'd be ready to rig the bomb with me at 5 this morning, but because I know how you-” her finger now points accusingly at zim who’s been creating the most perfect bowl of cereal to ever exist until this very moment “-are I can assume what kept him up all night with your ridiculous questions.” she glares between the two boys as Gaz snickers.

“Well shit, Zim, buddy, you fucked up.” Dib says around a mouthful of soggy cereal.

“I fucked up you're the pathetic human who needs to be unconscious multiple times a rotation to keep his wits about him!” Zim says in an overly loud tone spilling what's left of the milk on the table, at least it wasn't much and at least they wouldn't need it for much longer.

“Ugh fine we both fucked up okay, just I’m sorry Tak I’ll finish this then take a shower and then I'll nap on our way to the site and I should be good.”

“No Dib we’ll do it tonight I need you in the best shape I can have you for this just finish your breakfast and go to sleep.” Tak pinched approximately where the bridge of her nose would be if she had one, a motion picked up from Gaz something she did frequently, but eventually went back to eating her breakfast.

“Okay, I am sorry. So the general plan is?”

“We rig the bomb start the countdown, pack our last minute shit, call red and purple triangulate where they are then hang up rudely, find the resisty and become some sort of outlaws.” Gaz answered before Tak could speak, Tak gave a not so kind look at her soon to be travel companion.

“Not exactly, okay as long as Dib can keep Zim on track that'll be a good enough plan.” Tak chirped out in irritation “stupid pretty girl thinking she knows everything, just want to arrrrgh” tak continued to mumble in irken.

Dib pretended not to hear tak call his sister pretty.

Gaz pretend she didnt know irken and that Tak hadn't just called her stupid.

Zim laughed at Taks irritation.

“I'm going to bed see you in a few hours.” Dib dumped the rest of his bowl into the sink and climbed the stairs to his room, he shut his window. All the bugs he wanted in the house were already in. Dib turns towards his bed and is about to flop into it when Zim is suddenly laying right where he wanted to lay.

“Dib-stink I will ‘cuddle’ with you again tonight. I enjoy your warmth, but I must be big spoon.” zim cracks a cheesy grin at Dibs half unamused half completely baffled expression.

“Oh… okay?” Dib lays down on what left of the bed in front of zim and removes his glasses. Hes surprised at how quickly Zim is wrapped around his back. 

“I’ve already downloaded all of the things you wanted to take with you, not all of them are in your language though.” Zim mumbled into Dib's shoulders.

“Thats fine just download some translating software or something for me… maybe something so I can learn all of these languages we’re about to make extinct…” Dib fiddles with a hangnail on his left hand.

“I can, sleep now you have an important job to do when you wake up” zim presses a kiss to dib's shoulder blade, the first hes ever given to Dib and hopes this plan goes well.

Dib drifts off to sleep with Zim wrapped around his back and waist. Zim listens as the humans breathing evens out and his muscles relax. Its nice to see him like this Zim muses to himself. Zim runs one claw tipped finger over the skin on Dib's arm and watches as his skin reacts by creating goosebumps where his finger had just been. Zim moved his hand up to brush against Dib's neck, he drew little circles and stars across the skin there, then brought his hand higher to trace the shell of dibs ear. Dibs hand unconsciously swatted Zims away. Zim scoots upward on the bed so he could look at Dibs hair as he brushed his hands through it. It was caked in hair gel, Zim quietly tsked and laid back down. Maybe he could sleep with Dib, now.

Dib woke up quickly, but became aware of his surroundings slowly. Zim was asleep and not on the floor or downstairs on the couch but nearly on top of him. Dib was laying on his back with zim tucked under his right arm. Zim's head was on his chest and thier legs tangled together. Dib reached out to grab his glasses. Dib looked back down at Zim and then over to his alarm clock it flashed 3:26pm. Dib sighs he’ll have to get up soon.

“Zim. Zim wake up.” he shook Zim a little then tried to slide out from under him. Zim just grabbed on tighter. Dib sat up with Zim still latched on to him. He kissed the top of his head and pried him off. He knew that zim wouldn't want to shower with him. “Zim you idiot.” Dib sighed and grab what he needed to shower and left the room.

“Zim is not an idiot!” Dib heard him yell a few moments later, he snickered as he turned on the water.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib and Tak have strange familial bonding while placing a bomb to destroy the earth

“So why am I partnered with you for this mission Tak? Isn't Zim the one who is a former weapons specialist? Shouldn't it be he and I rigging the bomb?” Dib fiddles with his tablet showing the schematics for the bomb he was going to detonate tonight.

“I am disposable. You and Zim are not. We cannot afford to lose our two greatest assets against the empire because they decided to make out on top of the bomb.” Tak stares straight ahead not even glancing in Dibs direction.

“What. you're not! you're extremely important to this plan.” Dib tosses his tablet onto the center console and nearly climbs into Taks half of the cruiser.

“I am though Dib. and sadly so is Gaz,” Dib notices a wince, well at least shes not heartless he thinks. “ all we have to offer is to be distractions and fodder so you and Zim can actually complete this plan.”

“No,” Dib puts his hand on her shoulder “what are you two planning.”

“I was to shove you back in the voot as soon as the bomb was installed then detonate it myself. Without setting a timer. Gaz is currently doing what she deems necessary, one of which things is visiting your ‘mother’.... Her mother since you required no female DNA but anyway. Were going to get you boys of the planet and that was all. The following plans were to be executed with Gaz and I, that's why our positions were obviously unnecessary support roles.”

“I won't let you Tak.”

“I know, that's why i told you. I don't want Gaz to die.”

“Do you want to die?”

“I deserve too.”

“Why? And you didn't actually answer what I asked.”

“I just do Dib. and I don't want to die, I just don't want to live either.”

“What about Gaz? She loves you Tak.”

“And I am beginning to believe I love her too Dib, but that doesn't erase my mistakes. I am the actual definition of the earth word evil.”

“No” Dib shouts at her and yanks her hands off the controls. “If anyone is ‘the actual definition of the earth word evil’ its Gaz and I we lived here and we’re fully willing to blow it up without any regrets. So where does that leave us? Hmm?”

“I have lived eons longer than you have Dib destroying your own planet is small and inconsequential comparatively. Now I will not throw away my life today. I will make sure all four of us are safe for the day. But I make no promises to not take bullets for you, Gaz or Zim. you are my family and you will be safe as long as I can suffer my own existence. But you should probably ask Zim about his opinions on his own level of evil.” she rips her hands out of his and goes back to driving the ship.

“I… thank you Tak, I will keep you safe, all of us will be safe and we will destroy the empire.”

“Dib you are the most dimwitted boy I have ever come across.”

“How many dimwitted boys have you come across?”

“All of the boys I’ve ever been in contact with are dimwits, so thousands? Millions? I lost track”

“Oh”

******

  
  


“Tak please I thought you said you wouldn't throw away your life today.”

“I am not I’m just making some adjustments to the device.”

“ such as?”

“I don't want to destroy this planet. Just the plague upon it. I’m sure it was beautiful once.”

“oh?”

“I’m rigging it to be more of a bio bomb locked onto destroying the human race, but sparing all animal and plant life, hopefully whatever organism becomes dominant next will be better.” Tak looks at Dib with something akin to wistfulness. “Are you sure you’re okay with being the last of your kind Dib? We cant take this back.”

“I know and I am. I’ve always been a loner, now I just have a real reason.” he chuckled darkly after and Tak just glares at him.

“Fine boy but in a hundred years when you're lonely and want to come home, do not ask me.”

“Tak do you not…. You don't know the life expectancy of humans do you?”

“I do its roughly a hundred years under earth's standard conditions”

“And I’m already in my twenties Tak. Gaz is only a few months behind me. We only have sixty or so more years if we get the full expectancy, that's-” Tak slaps her hand over his mouth.

“I do not care boy.” this is snarled at him in Irken, her tones softens but she still speaks in irken “I will love her fiercely for all the time she has and I will have your back for all the time I have, there are ways to prolong your life without you losing quality of life, that and you don't really know what living in space will do to your physiology, you may just get another hundred or so years out that meat sack of yours. None of your race have even tried to see what life expectancy is for your species in space.” she’s still pissed but she removes her hand from Dibs face and allows him to speak.

“What am I to you Tak? An experiment or something you cant just play with us like we're your own personal lab monkeys…” 

“You are my brother in arms Dib, so is Zim despite my feeling towards him earlier. I am not toying with you or your sister Dib, I just” a small pause that could have been a deep breath through her nose if she was in possession of one “don't want to lose her so quickly. So I’m trying to be optimistic about her life span, if she dies in sixty or so years as you say then I will not be able to carry on, I don't really know how it happened but her continued existence is the only reason I allowed you to talk me down from the original plan.”

“Had she not tried?”

“She had but I was too angry to see what she was saying at the time, I have always been willing to die for what I believe in, for the longest time that was the empire, and then suddenly it was her and she, she was being so frustrating saying that she didn't think us dying would help you and I just couldn't allow myself to see she was right. It had made so much sense to me in the beginning and then she told me that and I couldn't handle it.”

“Christ we really are a bunch of fuck ups aren't we.”

“Heh yeah i guess you could say that.”

“What was that word that Tenn said the other day?”

“Defect, its well it what all of us are me, you, Zim, Tenn, Skoodge, and even Gaz. parts of society that don't quite fit together.”

“Ha. I know it means a whole lot more to you Irkens than that though. Anyway want to leave these fuckasses a love note?” Dib smirked at Tak and she cackled back producing a laptop from her pak.


End file.
